Holding Fast to Hope

It's amazing how I had forgotten the intensity of a toddler tantrum.

In parenting amnesia, one forgets many things.

It is not as though tantrums are not an occurrence in our daily lives.  Being honest, I'd have to say that not only do the six and four-year-olds indulge in such emotional catharsis, I have been known to have a few myself (in fact this morning when my second-born took two ornaments off the tree, dipped them in his oatmeal and started swinging them around with drops of goop flying everywhere I had to reign my emotions in with some pretty hefty self-control).

Not long after the older two were off to school, the youngest began a tantrum that lasted well over an hour.  Immediately after his fury abated, Andrew started his own; throwing fishy crackers hither and yon as his lungs fired up.

I have discovered yet another dynamic about twins: at times their tantrums are in sequence and at others they are in simultaneous format.  God bless those who work with several toddlers at one time.

I found a part of the wiki definition interesting to say the least: For the toddler, 'tantrums are normal...the force of the tantrum is a kind of measure of the strength of character the child can possess eventually, if [s]he's helped to harness that energy'.^[6]


I have concluded that there is a lot of character developing in our home.

***
So what does all of this tantrum topic have to do with holding fast to hope?  Well first off, it doesn't hurt that Hope, the person :), literally shows up on the afternoons that Arden is at work (Hope helps me by caring for my little men & assisting with the household tasks during the hardest part of the day).

However, I have come to realize that it is only through the principle of hope that I can get through some of the 'loss of control and frustrations' of life.  I have had a lot of time to think about how before this journey of many chapters, I once focused so much of my energies in thinking laterally (in the sense of looking to other people) in whatever circumstance I was in.  Although for many years I have looked to others for my love, presently I am learning how to love laterally while seeking my strength from God.  This has been one of the most significant ways for me to understand the nature of hope in my life.

As a child, my Christmas season was filled with all kinds of love, joy, and peace.  It seemed easy to have hope when everything was going my way (and to be honest, my hopes were placed primarily in whatever I was going to get under the tree).  It was easy for me to get caught up in the trimmings of the season - in the candles and decorations and the baking.  Christmas was literally a time of light, beauty and sweetness for me.

There are moments where I now contemplate this childhood wonder.  Trials, sufferings, betrayals, losses, pain, confusion, despair, struggles, grief, denial, hardships, disappointments and sorrow have flowed into my life both directly, indirectly and in my surroundings over the past six months.  My heart breaks in a depth and breadth hat I had never known before.

In my brokenness, and as the darkness is lengthened as winter solstice approaches, I am recognizing more and more that it is in the darkest times where the flicker of candlelight shines the brightest.

***

Hebrews 10:23

New International Version (NIV)

²³ Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful.

I was reminded this week that Mary was able to praise God in the midst of a trial: "my soul magnifies the Lord and my spirit in God my Saviour." [Luke 1:46-55].  It amazes me that God chose a woman whose name - Mary - has the meaning of bitter to be the mother of His son.  Therefore, from bitterness, light came into this world.  Interesting.

This young woman was surrounded by oppression in the nation of Judea and, not by her own choice, was placed into a situation - a trial - that would have irrevocable complications on her life.  She was unmarried.  She was misunderstood.  She was alone.  

But then again, she wasn't alone.  The mystery of the incarnation was within her: Immanuel - God is with us. 

As suffering produces perseverance and perseverance character, tantrums build my character which then translate into hope.  And hope does not disappoint because God has poured out His love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit [Romans 5:4].  Knowing that God is with us should empower me with a life-giving strength.  With courage.  

The lonely space our heart currently navigates may not change, but the substance of our journey through it can be transformed. ~ Erin Gieschen.

Inspired by the theme of this first week of Advent - Hope - I have been meditating on the importance of hope.  Unlike investing in stocks or planning supplies for a party, hope is something we cannot speculate on.  Hope is simple in the fact that it is a cry of the heart. Echoed by love and energized by faith, hope can be the source of peace and joy - therefore all of these are intertwined: hope, love, faith, joy and peace - and through Christ we are given freedom.  Complete, limitless, rich and providential freedom for it comes from a generous, merciful, grace-filled, loving Creator God.

Therein lies the Kingdom heart - a loosening of our fists in order to open our hands to receive the blessings that come directly from the Father.  Then we can do the impossible, live beyond ourselves and be filled in times of drought, heartache and suffering; we can do this for our source of hope is rooted in the ultimate source and our hope is complete in Jesus.

Grown from a root of hope, Christmas is a season of love.

In recognizing this hope, I have begun to light a white candle each day.  I have prayed for hope into the lives of my loved ones.

I have intensively studied my concordance for every reference of hope; and I have found that there is blessing in seeking hope with my whole heart for it leads to restoration [Jeremiah 29:11-14].  Hold fast: there is always hope.

Hope in Him, though I be broken;
Hope in You, to be lifted up;
Hope in God, despite a downcast soul;
Hope comes from Him, finding rest;
Hope in His word, encouraging others;
Hope in waiting;
Hope in the Lord, His love is unfailing, His redemption is full;
Hope in the Lord my God, who blesses me in His help;
Hope in His unfailing love;
The fulfillment of hope, a tree of life;
Future hope, through reverence to Him;
Hope in the Lord, the renewal of strength;
Hope in His plans for us, our future;
Hope in remembering His great love;
Hope in restoration;
Hope does not disappoint;
Hope for future glory;
Patient, hope for that what we do not yet have;
Being joyful; 
Encouragement;
Filled with Joy and Peace;
Love always hopes;
Faith, hope and love;
Christ in you, the hope of glory;
Endurance;
The Hope of Salvation;
Faith and Knowledge resting on the hope of eternal life;
While we wait for the blessed hope;
We have this hope as an anchor;
Which then leads us to
Being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see. 

***

My Christmas this year is founded on things far beyond sentiments.  It isn't about a day where I'm wrapped up in a commercialized, packaged up, or condensed version of love.  Christmas can hold all of the traditions - old and new - that are part and parcel of the season; however, this year I'm moving away from many of the tasks of Christmas that I once considered as 'necessary'.  As much as I researched hope, I knew I needed to understand the definition of a term I've heard for so long - Christmas trappings - and from there I discovered how I no longer have to be weighed down by what I perceived as "check-the-box" items to make Christmas Christmas for me and for my family. 

trappings  1. An ornamental covering or harness for a horse; a caparison. Often used in the plural. 1. the accessories and adornments that characterize or symbolize a condition, office, etc. the visible trappings of success  2. (Individual Sports & Recreations / Horse Training, Riding & Manège) ceremonial harness for a horse or other animal, including bridles, saddles, etc.

For instance, I used to think that Christmas couldn't be Christmas without sugar cookies (and I vividly recall my mother making, decorating and mailing said sugar cookies to me in France while I was there on an exchange).  Attempting sugar cookies this year would be in the "too-hard-box".  And that's okay.  My condition makes it necessary for me to evaluate every expenditure of energy; yet in so many ways, that's a blessing.  I have had to choose what's really important and in doing so, I am freed from so many of the obligations which once held me back from enjoying Advent.

1st Sunday in Advent with John

The simplicity of it is exactly that: it can be simple.  

And Christmas can be great in its simplicity - something I have to remind myself whenever I get caught up in the frustrations that have the tendency to creep on in when I'm disappointed about not doing it all.  I may reminisce about a frosted green cookie, but I am choosing to find joy in the present tense of spending time with my boys.


If my catalyst is love, then whatever I am able to do for (and especially with) my family is a blessing.

Advent - and Christmas itself - is a story about love.  The gift we've been given is that of a true, deep, unfathomable, unending, and never failing love.

A love which, if we choose to invite it in, comes into our place of brokenness to heal, energize and transform.  I believe it.  By the grace of God, I live it every day.  By the grace of God, I hold fast to hope.  And, by His grace, I pray I may have the opportunity to share hope, joy and love well beyond this Advent season.

A little bit of daily joy