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| 'Title Page: "The Best Christmas" dy Nate' |
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| Final Chapter Title Page: "When will Somer come" |
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| "When will IT Be Somer" |
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| "You will Haf To Wait." |
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| "You will Stil haf to Wait." |
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| "You Will Stil haf To Wait." |
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| "now IT is Somer now" |
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| "ThE EnD" |
"You will Stil haf to wait". Patience: not my strong suit. There is so much I want to do. There is so much I want to be.
pa·tience
[pey-shuh
ns]
noun
1.
the quality of being patient, as the bearing of provocation, annoyance, misfortune, or pain, without complaint, loss of temper, irritation, or the like.
2.
an ability or willingness to suppress restlessness or annoyance when confronted with delay: to have patience with a slow learner.
3.
quiet, steady perseverance; even-tempered care; diligence: to work with patience.
My application of the definition:
1. Each day (in a myriad of situations) I find myself working on this quality of patience through living out love... love bears all things.
2. God has a lot of patience with me - the slow learner of faith.
3. Although it may not be my strong suit, my patience is in the process of being refined into a place where I am finding myself, at most times, to be moving forward with "a quiet, steady perseverance." This is encouraging.
{4. Patience P: an amazing light in my life who brings me great joy; a beautiful, amazing person: to spend time with Patience on New Year's Eve is a sign of great things for the year ahead and a blessing}.
As much as on one extreme (and I am choosing to focus on this end of the pendulum swing) I am bursting at the seams for gratefulness in my healing, I am still impatient. Setbacks in energy, increases in pain and limitations of my ability where I had recently gained ground are incredibly frustrating.
I am contented to know that Arden is on his final night shift; after he started this set working through from the 26th, I've been on a challenging path. Despite the fact that I am so thankful to be able to spend more time caring for these amazing boys, I long for the energy that I once possessed. The onset of the flu bug on the 26th, the break from school (4 children 24/7) and the lengthy days have kept me stretched to capacity.
My heart frequently hurts in disappointment in having to decline an invitation, delay a dream or defer an event for another time. As a verse in Proverbs points out, this longing of another time is a tree of life.
It is in this season of my life that I've been weathering many storms. I am working at walking through these storms faithfully, recognizing the need to seek God's strength continually. In the last few days, my eyes were opened to this passage from Mark.
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Jesus was about to walk by the boat.
Interesting. He saw they were in serious trouble so He came out on the water to help. He came out. on. the. water. at. three. in. the. morning. (For those of you who know what a grammar nerd I am, you know how hard it is for me to add all those superfluous periods... but I thought writing in ALL CAPS seemed too much like shouting and that's my last intention here).
I have to tell you: He has come through for me each and every time - when I'm in serious trouble, battling the wind and waves - in the middle of the night when the tears have created their own flood. He comes toward us. I thought it was profound that He came out on the water but that He was intending to go past them. That's the God that I know: ready to save us, but respecting our free will. It is only when we cry out (verse 49) that we can let Him in. Another thing that amazed me is that the disciples didn't know that they were seeing Him; sometimes the hand of God is most apparent when we least expect it.
Sometimes Christ walks through our crisis dressed in the best disguise of all: ordinary events. He tucks a miracle in the fold of His robe and sweeps in and out unnoticed. Only in retrospect do we realize that a divine visitation graced our cold, crude winter and the resurrection of spring is on its way. [...] Just to know that we are significant to God and He's willing to orchestrate a holy set-up to speak to us is monumental to every woman who ever feared she was invisible or unremarkable.
[Beth Moore, Esther: What Goes Around]
Finishing the passage in Mark, Jesus tells them to "Take courage! It is I. Don't be afraid." 8 simple words, but a gift of a world of peace.
Take courage.
I am reverently taking it while seeking His face and leaving my fear behind.
Never lacking in inspiration, this path has made me live in a depth (deep calls to deep) that I've never known.
I am so grateful for joy. "Now IT is Somer Now": joy makes this January of pain, grief, and challenge summer for me. I am bolstered by a thousand gestures of love each day. In some of the hardest moments, music often pulls me through: Restless and Long Way Home, and - for something completely different - Here in this moment are on my playlist. The encouragement I receive from my sorority of faithful loved ones is incredible. There are blessings upon blessings - miracles - in each and every day.
It is in the middle of the physical pain that I am humbly aware once again of God's providence. It is in the middle of pure emotional collapse that I recognize that fragile transparency that I am called to. It is in the middle of the longest, loneliest night - when it is most hardest to praise Him - that whilst I'm persevering despite frailty, I feel His presence the most.
{See? My nerdy grammar ways are further revealed: I used whilst in the blog :).}
If it is through a wealth of experience that we are enriched with the capacity to love in extraordinary ways...
if it is through trial that our faith transforms from a philosophy into a way of living...
if it is through illness and pain that our lives gain purpose and perspective...
and if it is through winter that we learn patience and a appreciation for the summer that comes, I can say for certain that, for me, it is well worth the wait.
