I suppose the metaphor has been overused and I know I've used it to describe many of my experiences as an adult, but this time I see the many paths I've travelled as I look back on the months that have passed.
I will begin with a conclusion: the clots in my lungs fall under the category of unprovoked (there is no medical factor, hereditary or other, to explain the source). This means that this journey is bound to be lifelong; I will be taking preventative measures indefinitely.
What follows in the blog entry - My Journey with Pumonary Embolus - is a very lengthy, detailed account of my journey. I hope that you will read it for the information I've included to help spread awareness about the condition of pulmonary embolism, which is fatal if left undiagnosed. From a personal perspective, I've written about it so that you'd know where I have gone and where I am now. Finally, I also hope that it will also help you to be encouraged to be confident to persevere in pursuing treatment for the health concerns of your family.
It is only now that I can look at the journey in an eyes-wide-open kind of way. I have been in so many physically and emotionally fragile places throughout and I have yet to get beyond the sensation of being frail. From the outside I look fine - in fact, from the weight loss of the condition, I possibly may even look great. I have begun to realize that the things that aren't visible are, in fact, perhaps the most important in life.
I have to say that I am grateful for the love and support that I (and my family) have received in a thousand different ways during my recovery; I feel incredibly blessed to be so loved. I have missed my time with those I care about and I know that I have been missed. To be honest, I miss having the ability and the energy to have that time too. In this healing, I am having to revise my life. I have to consider every expenditure of energy.
You may not find me on the computer, on the phone, or at a play date. In fact, I am thinking that this is the best time to wish you a "Merry Christmas" on facebook. I know I am missing so much by paring down everything, but I also recognize two things: I have been told by the doctors and the literature that it will take a full year to recover from my condition and two, I have much to be thankful for - things I am not missing while I am here; sitting beside Nate as he's learning to read, watching John while he's playing with his trucks, listening to Andrew as he's learning to say "Mom", and enjoying the feel of my 'peanut', Samuel, as he hugs me with all his tiny might.
This illness has forced me to prioritize to the top three elements of my life: my husband & sons, my faith and my healing.
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