40

The big 4-0

All the clichés come to mind as I have began writing this: "age is just a number", "you're only as old as you feel" (when sleep deprived, this number is 80), "life is a highway" (just kidding - but Tom Cochrane was my grade 8 grad song and there's some truth in those there lyrics), "time goes by so quickly"(good grief - I have a kid in grade 8! seriously - that parallel just really hit me hard)... and this is all true.

I had wanted to be more reflective about this transition into another decade because it is definitely a benchmark of sorts.  However, life.  I know this is not a full sentence but the reality is that the schedule hasn't afforded me the bandwidth for the contemplation I had when I turned 20.

So instead, I took some time this morning to write about 40 things I have learned so far.  These are random, not necessarily even the most important things I have learned but they are the ones that are coming to mind at 6 in the morning.  Because kids.

Here goes:

1. Joy.  Choose it.  Fight for it.  
2. Plans: Go ahead and make those plans... but sometimes the best things can be the most unexpected.  Roll with it.  (Okay, even as I write that I think I can't begin to get too philosophical, sound like I know what I am doing or be overly simplistic... because twins.  So when you face the unexpected, prepare to have to change everything, for your world to be shaken up in every possible way and that could be the everything kind of change you needed)  
3. Life is far harder than I ever expected it to be. 
4. Life is far more amazing than I could have imagined.
5. Times: The pattern is hard time, hard time, hard time, ridiculously amazing time - and repeat
6. 80/20: Thinking about things in a 80/20 split helps; 80 percent hard work and hustle, 20 percent awesomeness.  For everything. 
7. People: Spend time with people who bring out the best in you.  These may be the same people who bring out the worst in you... because children.  Developing a sense of curiosity about what comes out when you're under pressure helps.  Developing a sense of humour is non negotiable. 
8. Write stuff down.  Write it: even in a discount dollar tree book as you are remembering something fantastic your BFF, your Dad, or your kid said.  
9. Write your stuff down.  What would you tell your younger self?  I am so grateful for what happened in 2011; it keeps me aware of the reality that we don't know how much time we have and that each day is a gift.  So write stuff down - what would you want your kids to know about you? What do you want them to go out into the world of adulting knowing?
10. Be creative.  I know that not everyone is creative in a traditional pick up a paintbrush kind of way but taking time to find what you find creative and to be creative is life changing.  
11. Get outside. Plan for it. I remember a picture at a friend's house when I was a teenager that said "find joy in every season".  I believed that impossible of winter. 
12. Get offline.  I took about 2 years off social media for a whole list of reasons.  Two years is a bit extreme... but taking some time offline is a good thing.  I learned a lot. Being intentional about it - even for an hour - can change your perspective. 
13. The unexpected: look for the little stuff as big stuff.  The unexpected hug. The pun that makes you laugh (I know that this is for 8% of the common population but at least 92% of my people who I call friends are in this rare group so thank you for the laughter).
14. Grace.  I have learned so much about grace... and love.  This is another one of those things that requires another post.
15. You are enough - more than enough.
16. Accept.  Accept help as it's offered - it's a beautiful thing.  Accept who you are.  Accept the perfectly imperfect.  Accept the moment (as much as you can - even in the chaos... or behind the bathroom door as you hear the chaos on the other side).
17. Let go of the stuff - the emotional, social, and material baggage.
18. Be gentle to yourself - you don't have to do it all (still learning this one but thought if I wrote it down maybe I will pay better attention).
19. There's always, always hope.  These will come: challenge, tragedy, loss, grief and sometimes the hardest seems like when you are grieving for those you care about who are grieving but there is always hope.
20. Boundaries are important; choose your best yes and don't be afraid to say no.  Give yourself margin wherever you can (pardon me as I laugh at myself and hope not to spill coffee on the keyboard as I haven't learned this one either (clearly) but see #18).
21. Dig deep.
22. Upwards, Inwards, Outwards (see #14).
23. Diversity is good.
24. Forgiveness is a discipline that changes the course of your life.
25. It takes courage to keep on keeping on.  Keep showing up. 
26. "The truth is that falling hurts.  The dare is to keep being brave and feel your way back up.  Hurt is hurt.  Empathy plus compassion equals healing".  (Not even sure if this is an exact quote - my apologies - but go read Brene Brown.  Rising Strong.  For reals: read it. 
27. Examine that thing that you think you lack and go out and see how you can make a difference, even in a small way (see #14). 
28. When someone comes to mind, send a text or email.  Or better yet, if you can, pick up the phone or make plans.  Write that note.  Send that card.  Encouraging others can be simple and can make all the difference in the world. Thank you for all the encouragement. 
29. Ask yourself what inspires you... and then see how you can carve some of it into your life.
30. Connecting with others is key (and the old adage of treating others as you would want to be treated is true) but be sure to also have boundaries (see #26 Brene Brown and #18 - still.haven't.quite.learned.this.yet). If you are feeling lonely right now I can say that #12 and #27 apply.  
31. Do something new that is out of your comfort zone every season.  For me that has concluded in discovering some things I am not interested in investing in as well as some things I love like sushi, Zumba, and karate.   
32. Be active. Keep active. I read once that sports are good for teaching you how to win honourably, lose gracefully, respect authority, work with others and manage your time.  I would say that finding something that gets you active is enough reward in itself and its a bonus if you love it (like Zumba and karate for me at this season of my life) and an even bigger bonus if you love the people that you get to do it with (like Zumba and karate).       
33. But read the book.  AKA: do what makes you recharge.  I love Sundays.  We have been trying to set it aside as a no-work day.  I have been trying to make time to read books.  Not my regular "learn-everything-about-the-kid" non-fiction books but novels and short stories.  
34. Don't be afraid to make mistakes. I have made a gazillion.  And am still counting.  It's a process. In that vein, challenge yourself to keep growing and excelling (but in a healthy way - see #14, 15, 16 & 18... and for that matter #14 in the sense of "Lucy, you've got some 'splaining to do").
35. Contentment is a way more effective pursuit than comparison.  
36. Thankfulness: "Let us be grateful to people who make us happy, they are the charming gardeners who make our souls blossom" Marcel Proust.  I am so thankful for those friends and family and friends who are family who have been there on this journey with me.  Thank you.  
37. I have adopted a 3G network and highly recommend it: practicing Growth Mindset, 
38. Grit 
39. and Gratefulness. Definitely in the same line as thankfulness but writing down all the things I am thankful for has made all the difference (1000 Gifts by Ann Voskamp)       
40. Finally, I sign everything and start everyday with three acronyms: JJ HSD SDG.  It is possibly the most significant thing I have learned in my 40 years.  Bach would start every composition with JJ which stands for Jesu Juva (or Jesus help) and end with Soli Deo Gloria (to God alone be the glory).  I have added HSD which stands for Holy Spirit Driven.  I am definitely not drawing comparisons to what I do to one of the greatest composers in history.  But in my belief that every life matters and has significance, I think that what happens in the scope of everyday is a musical score of sorts.  So in all the things I pray JJ HSD SDG; at the end of the day and at the end of my life, that is my goal.  

This is not everything.  I had meant to be far funnier (but it's way too early) and I wanted the list to be double spaced and I am sure that there's editing I still need to do (because look at even this sentence with all its "ands" - but I will post because it's my birthday and edit later because I can't help myself).  I wanted to add pictures.  I am sure I am forgetting things; but then I read #14 and accept this as it is.

So I end with the truth that I am still adding to this list as I go forward and, being a relentless optimist, it's only going to keep on getting harder, better, and immeasurably more than I could imagine.  

Because all the numbers.

JJ HSD SDG.