It's been some time since my last post; I started this blog entry a few months ago and (not unsurprisingly given the busyness of mothering four boys) was interrupted in my editing and posting of it.
Therefore, this post is a two-part-post: a much delayed part 1:
Spring is coming and a current part 2:
Summer is here.
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Spring is coming
Spring has arrived and with it my gratefulness list grows. Every day I am finding new things to be thankful for. It is a beautiful gift to feel the weight of a moment. The gift to be aware of the meaningfulness of a moment.
I am learning that if I'm willing to anticipate it, meaningfulness can be found in the most usual of places.
My health journey has been a learning experience of gratefulness and meaningfulness. Celebrating the little guys' third birthday was profound. When I first became ill back in May 2011, I wasn't certain that birthdays would be mine to celebrate. There have been so many gifts because of the realizations resulting in coming to the edge between here and there. My experiences both here and my meditations on what is there have been deepened by what has transpired - both in my life and in the lives of loved ones - and though pain and grief have been unwelcome companions, they have also ushered me towards a deeper relationship with God and an intense desire to transmit love and grace to others. For this, I have no regrets for the hard, formative times of this journey.
My health has improved incredibly. That said, I have to admit that when my left arm started aching back in April that I was transported to a place of anxiousness. The echo of what had once transpired came back to concern me again.
My doctor wanted to rule out a clot (apparently possible even on anticoagulants) or any other possible lump-related-issue. In addition to many other blessings, our move to Calgary has afforded us a wide range of health services; the speed and efficiency of ultrasound on a Friday afternoon (an hour before closing) of the May long weekend is a key example. I knew how long it would normally take to get a non-urgent ultrasound completed; in this case, I had my all-clear answer within half an hour. That's right:
half and hour. My arm issue since then has been treated as carpal tunnel/possible nerve issue. I breathe a sigh of relief.
As much as I know that the treacherous path through a serious illness is not walked alone and that, ultimately, I have grown in a thousand ways, I do not treasure the idea of returning to that place. I keep an eye on my INR and adapt accordingly. A round of penicillin can knock it out of the park; unfortunately, warfarin can be a fickle prescription and so I simply change what I can with my dosage and diet and wait for my levels to even out. I no longer feel the same anxiety yet I practice vigilance.
Perhaps that is the final note on this particular health journey: I have been hesitant in the past to say so but now I can confidently say that I am healed. Yes, I will have bumps in the anticoagulated road I am on; I expect to and do experience the everyday flus and viruses; I anticipate the concerns that come up with preventative health (and more importantly, I am proactive in seeking out treatment) and one day, in God's providence, wisdom and timing, I know I will be going Home. And, although perhaps it will be hard for many to understand, I very much look forward to that day. In the meantime, I am deeply, unapologetically thankful for each day I am given.
INR is a lot about numbers. Although it changes some decisions, this number I receive from my bloodwork no longer impacts me in the same way it once did. So I've been playing a new numbers game: counting my blessings.
I know I've made mention of her before, but
Ann Voskamp is absolutely phenomenal. Her book,
One Thousand Gifts, continues to impact the way that I am seeing the world. My list (and lists) grows daily; it allows me to turn around the missing of a friend into a thankfulness for that friendship as I write down her name under one of the numbers. It gives me an opportunity to see the challenging times with one of my boys as a time for gratefulness as I document his words on a tan page. A flower in my garden becomes something so much more as I take the time to describe it. The journalling that has been incited by reading this book is helping me to count my blessings one-by-one and it is helping me to live out a life of gratitude.
Spring is coming.
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Summer is here.
It is Stampede time in Calgary, an amazing time of the year. The sense of community is incredible - not only over pancake breakfasts and stampede events (which our family really enjoys -
yahoo!) - but even more deeply due to the aftermath of the
2013 flood.
To witness the deep compassion and eagerness to assist by our church family, to read of stories of courage despite loss, and to see a city rally around the citizens who've lost so much is deeply inspiring.
We were fortunate to be located up on a ridge and we witnessed the flood via the newsfeeds we watched. Our hearts ached for the thousands impacted. However, talking with a mom from our church who has lost so much in the destruction of her home, washing my husband's mud-caked work clothes and hearing his stories of his experiences downtown with demolishing basements makes the flood so much more real for me. I want so much to help.
I am so thankful for organizations such as Samaritan's Purse. Even in a small way, I hope to be a part of the Southern Alberta restoration and I'm thankful that this project is one way I can. More information about what they're doing in the flood and ways you can help can be found
here.
Ultimately, it all comes down to this:
Spring was a time of new beginnings.
There is so much to be thankful for.
Restoration is coming.
Summer is here.
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| The view of the flooded golf course in our community, the city skyline in the distance |
This summer has been a gift. Daily I am aware of it, daily I am thankful for it. One of the gifts that I have had this summer is the possibility to open a book. Several books, in fact, and I am, again, thankful. Almost every morning, I have found myself with a cup of coffee, my books, and a quiet time at the patio table. Later in the afternoons, the boys would be happy at play on the beach, and me... well, I would be reading, sitting in the sun on the patches quilt my sister made. In the evenings, daddy read to John from the Storybook Bible, an amazing book for kids. We have had some wonderful days together. Although I haven't yet had the chance to delve into a fiction novel I've been wanting to read for sometime now (Cutting for Stone), I have had the chance to read words, sentences and paragraphs that have moved me profoundly. The authors I read have impacted me and my perspective; that is one of the gifts they have in their vocation of writer. And in sharing her insights, a writer is able to transform - sometimes briefly, sometimes forever - the way I look at the world around me. These words are gifts. And when I find a beautiful thing, I want to be able to share it. One of the benefits of the internet is the ability to connect with authors online via blogs. These are three amazing authors that I am grateful for:
